the beginning.

so i was reading these song lyrics and i thought, "with lyrics this good, the song has to be really good." and sure enough, i was blown away. This is a song on Showbread's Nervosa CD. It is actually sung by Five Iron Frenzy's Reese Roper and his wife. Please take a listen (or even just read the lyrics).


THE BEGINNING (lyrics by Reese Roper)

I used to dream that I could fly,
just above the whispered clouds, beneath the somber sky.
I had a dream I was alive,
I dreamt that love would never die. (goodbye)
Dreams were cheap and hope was easy...(so light),
the forgeries of life deceiving...(so bright),
and as I glided to the ground...(so long),
calcified, the concrete weighed me down... (cruel world).

Your wings are holding up the sky,
dear God, I had a dreamt that I could fly.

Alkaline the burning frost, has blistered deep beneath my bones,
And winter spat its hatred, cold and coiled, black and deep,
as it called me ever further, where evil burns and never sleeps.
I once had prayers that found no words, fragile things I’ve never spoken,
through my lips passed eulogies for all the oaths that I have broken.
And still the ghost of hope was haunting, through the dark to save the living,
and still beneath it all I dreamed that God could be forgiving.

Your wings are holding up the sky,
dear God, I had a dream that I could fly.

When I survey the wondrous cross On which the Prince of glory died, My richest gain I count but loss, And pour contempt on all my pride.

I am the worst of all things here,
my crooked, black, and lying heart still spits its bitter fear.
And each and every sparrow,
You see them flutter to the ground before they die,
So please God don’t forget me.

See from His head, His hands, His feet, Sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, Or thorns compose so rich a crown?
To Christ, who won for sinners grace By bitter grief and anguish sore, Be praise from all the ransomed race Forever and forevermore!

Looking Forward

I can't believe how close it is to the end of my second year of college. It is coming so quickly. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is alot to be done before then. However, my plans for the summer are coming together, and I am looking forward to all God will do, and has already started doing.

I feel as though this blog will have a bunch of random statements from my life at the moment, but here it goes:
1) The newest aspect to my life is that I got a job! In this economy, I am so thankful. I work for my friend's parents trucking company, and help in the office. I love it because it fits what I do well, like organizing and filing papers and so on. Praise the Lord for sure!

2) I got accepted to be a counselor at Clydehurst Christian Ranch (in Montana)! I have been wanting to do this since I applied in late December, and I finally found out! I am looking forward to being away and experiencing God in ways I can't imagine. I want to meet new people, and hopefully have a positive impact for the kingdom of Christ.

3) This weekend we held a leadership conference on our campus. One of the sessions I attended was on our influence on others as leaders. One of my fears is that somehow I will have a negative impact on someone's life, unintentionally, by something I say or do. It has made me aware of what I say and how I act. I am learning that my attitude reflects what is in my heart.
A quote a like about influence is in one of Dwight Edwards' books. It says, "The older i get, the more I long to know that whatever influence God allows me to have upon others is genuinely of Him." First of all, it is God who allows us to influence others; I just pray it would be of Him, and people will come to Him.

4) I have been wanting to be in the Word more; not just reading, but memorizing and really knowing and understanding. This way I will be ready to share the gospol with anyone at any time. I really want to be intentional about doing this.

5) Just because I feel like I need a 5th point I am going to add a song that I like recently. Don't really know why I like it, but it is called "Salt in the Snow" by the Classic Crime.

I hope everyone's time is multiplied this week. If God is the first priority, I know He will allow all else to get done!

-Hillary

photo booth.

Here is how it happened: Hope, Erik, Tim, and I decided it would be nice to visit our good friend John Sachs at Starbucks, where he works. Since this Starbucks is located in the mall (aka the place where lots and lots and lots of high schoolers hang out), we decided we wanted to fit and tried out the photobooth. This is how it turned out. We most likely won't ever pay $3 to do it again, but it was fun the one time we did :)

I am called.

"I believe in the doctrine of election, because I am quite certain that, if God had not chosen me, I should never have chosen Him; and I am sure He chose me before I was born, or else He never would have chosen me afterwards; and He must have elected me for reasons unknown to me, for I never could find any reason in myself why He should have looked upon me with special love."

-Charles Spurgeon

Sometimes I crave chocolate; but sometimes I don't.

This has been my break so far. Prior to these past fun filled days, my weekend was spent with my 7 year old cousin at the zoo in Santa Barbara and at the beach with my family. On Tuesday Hope came up to stay :) We spent the night making lots of brownies (and I mean alot), experimenting with air popped popcorn, and watching the ever hilarious movie, "The Little Rascals". This was so fun, and brought back tons of childhood memories. Just as Spanky says, "Say, those are some nice azuga's!!"

Today we took bikes to the beach and went for a nice ride. It was a morning of surf, sand, and of course sun! Then we experienced thai food for the first time, which was mighty delicious, if I do say so myself. I hope to go again soon. After lunch, we made yet another batch of brownies (not to worry, they were not for us), and made some trail mix as well. This has been something I had wanted to do for awhile. Kinda random, but I am a big fan. My recipe for trail mix included pretzels, almonds, sunflower seeds, cashews (all salted of course), dried blueberrys, cherries, and cranberries, as well as peanut butter puffin cereal. Maybe not your typical mixture, but it is by far a new favorite of mine. All in all, I have had a great time hanging with Hope. I enjoy her company, our laughter, and real friendship.

I am learning to love Ventura. Though having home up here is quite different, it is a good different, and I am thankful for the changes that God brings. I do realize they are for the better, and His plan is truly perfect. It is crazy all the things we constantly need to learn, and we realize them because of certain situations in our lives. I don't always recognize and thank the Lord for His work in me, but I am so thankful and blessed.

2 Timothy 2:13
If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.

Thank you Mother Teresa.

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."

letting go.

Isn't it weird that the things in our life we need to work on most are the hardest things for us to do? Like patience. This is a big one for me. I am not a patient person. And when I pray for patience, I get situations that force me to be patient, in order for me to learn. For example, traffic. Not a fun thing for me. However, I think my biggest struggle is giving up control of my life. Sooo badly am I trying to hold on to it, and at the same time still trying to allow Christ to be in control. This doesn't make sense, yet I still hold on. Why do I want control? Am I trying to prove I am self- sufficient. I think I have come down to it being a pride issue, and that ultimately I think my way for my life is better. When will I realize and truly believe God's plan is bigger and better than I could ever hope for on my own?

I am trying to work on my pride, seeing as it is a root issue for a lot of things in my life. I am learning to reflect and contemplate the cross of Christ, because it is there that we shrink to our true size. Just the thought of the cross is humbling.

I want to stand as close to the cross as I possible can, because it is harder for me to be arrogant when I am there.

This really has no point.

So i wore a leather jacket today (thanks to the closet of Hope Ekholm). Then I heard this statement, and laughed. Enjoy.

“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”
-Demitri Martin

all or nothing.

wow. i apologize for my lack of writing. I guess i have been busy, and the truth is i have been. I don't even know where to start really. But i guess I'll give a little update on my life since february has past. I cant believe I am about to go on spring break. Time sure does fly!!

Well, school is good, but definitely time consuming. However, I have found the library to be one of my new favorite places. I can't seem to study in the same place all the time (aka. my apt.) . The library offers different places to study (aka. anywhere there is an open desk). I also like that other people are there also studying; sometimes someone you know is there, which isn't always likely to happen sitting at my own kitchen table.

I also recently was chosen for my school's freshman orientation program (FOCUS). I am really excited for this. I am ready to make new friends and grow and experience together, as we aim to know Christ and make Him known. I can't wait to see what the Lord does.

I am currently jobless, and I am noticing how much of a struggle this is. I currently have $1.01 on my debit card. This is bad! But i have NO time for a job. I am definitely learning how much stuff i want to buy but don't need to! Humbling for sure!

I have also been fasting from facebook. Until easter I have decided to try and spend my time on other things. Hopefully I can be more intentional, as well as experience Christ and share Him with others with this extra time.

As for now, I have a lot to do before spring break. I am going home for the break(Ventura), and I can't wait.

I am going to work on blogging more.

Until then,
hillary